I’m a loser but that’s not to say that I’ll always be one. The purpose of saying it is, at least in part, to move towards growth. So, I need to say it. Don’t argue with me. Not that saying it will necessarily change anything. At my age, change isn’t generally expected by anyone, and I would have to surprise people to be something different than what I’ve always been. And to do that, I would have to write more, and the reason I am a loser is because I don’t write. Plain and simple. It’s not complicated. That pretty much sums it up. And yet, I do almost anything instead of writing. I watch TV, that’s mostly how I waste my time. If I read more that would be a fair alternative, but I watch bad TV instead, not even good TV, unless I get lucky (you don’t know if its good until you watch it). I also eat. I also take baths (well, not more than one on any given day). And I get stoned. I always hope the last one will help me to write but does it? If I weren’t already lazy it might. Sometimes it does.

My problem seems to be that  I have no fortitude to make myself do things that take effort. And that’s why I have so much potential and a good personality. I’m actually a pretty good catch. I put other people first. I’m actually not lazy when it comes to doing for others. Write that on my tombstone.

I’ll give myself credit for things. I’m a good mom and I’m proud of that. It’s important to me, and I’ll be remembered for it. I hold down a job. Most would call that a success, and they’d be right. Truthfully I could be a better wife. Maybe I should love him more.


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